Is your marriage too serious ?
In simplifying any marital issue, are you complicating it more?
Laughter creates bonds with people. Any good friend will tell you that laughter is the shortest distance between two people — especially in marriage.
Wherever you are adding humour, one thing is certain: Laughter on a daily basis, is similar to taking a vitamin for your marriage. And it is a healthy habit for all loving couples. Humour relieves the tension that builds up between people. It will also strengthen your bond with those you laugh with.
Then in pursuit of creating awesome moments, are we sucking each other's happiness? Are we becoming more complex and serious in everyday life ?
Let's see how to manage conflicts with humour and the benefits of humour in marriage.
Research has found that laughter produces Oxytocin, a chemical in the brain also referred to as the bonding chemical. Learning to laugh a little more may save your marriage. Laughter is good medicine, literally. It has important physiological effects on you and your soul mate. Modern research indicates that people with a sense of humor have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who are less humorous. But humour brings much more than only physiological benefits to a husband and wife. Humour helps cope with stress in a better way.
In any tough situation, if you can add a pinch of humour, it will ease the mood and help both of you forgive each other. It will help you to diffuse anger and the intensity of fight. In case your spouse is more serious or wants to explain something very important and you disagree, just use a smile and show some respect by listening to your partner. After that by seeing the partner’s mood, cracking a joke can bring the situation to normal.
In newly married couples, humour can be an effective tool not just for attracting the other person, but also for overcoming any awkwardness that arises during the process of knowing one another.
Managing conflict with humour :
Step 1: Make sure you’re both in on the joke:
Like any tool, humor can be used in negative as well as positive ways. Making hurtful remarks, and then criticizing the spouse for not being able to take a joke will create even more problems and ultimately damage your relationship.Humor can only help you overcome conflict when both of you are in on the joke. It’s important to be sensitive to the other person. If your partner doesn’t think your joking or teasing is funny—stop immediately. Before you start playing around, take a moment to consider the other person’s state of mind and willingness to understand your sense of humor.
Step 2: Don’t use humor to cover up other emotions:
Humour is not healthy when it is used as a cover for avoiding or coping with painful emotions. Laughter can be a disguise for feelings of hurt, fear, anger, and disappointment that you don’t want to feel or don’t know how to express.
You can be funny about the truth, but covering up the truth isn’t funny. When you use humor and playfulness as a cover for other emotions, you create confusions and mistrust in your marriage.
The following are examples of misplaced humor:
Swapnil is a person who is a jokester. Nothing ever brings him down and he never takes anything seriously. No matter what happens to him or to anyone else, he makes a joke out of the situation. In reality, after meeting me, I came to know that he was terrified of intimacy and commitment in his two serious ex-relationships and now in marriage, and uses humor to avoid uncomfortable feelings and to keep his wife away from him emotionally.
Pranali is often jealous and possessive of her husband Kalpesh, but she has never learned to openly discuss her insecurities and fears with him even after 6 months of her marriage. Instead, she uses what she thinks is humour to express her feelings. Her everyday jokes irritate Kalpesh and he doesn’t find them funny at all. Instead of laughing, he often responds with a quiet coldness or avoids her at most of the time.
Step 3: Tap into your playful side:
Do you find it hard to crack a joke or add fun at any point to cope with stressful situations? The point isn’t to impress or entertain your partner, but simply to lighten the mood and defuse tension. You have to develop and embrace your playful and lighthearted side. It’s never too late and you can relearn this quality.
Start identifying the things you would like to do such as;
Sing playfully, dance on your favourite music, listen to jokes, watch funny movies, watch stand up comedy shows etc. and start to incorporate them in your relationship.
The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes. It will help you to embrace your playful nature in your marriage.
The Benefits of Humour
Form a stronger bond with your spouse. Your happiness depends, to a large degree, on the quality of your relationships—and laughter binds couples together.
Address tough issues. Using gentle humor often helps you address even the most sensitive issues, such as sex, financial pain, lack of patience or even parental interference.
Diffuse Anger. A well-timed joke can ease a tense situation and help you resolve disagreements, calm down the situation and diffuse your partner’s anger.
Change your perspective. Most situations are not as complex as they appear when looked at from a playful and humorous point of view. Humor can help you reframe problems that might otherwise seem overwhelming and damage a relationship.
Be more creative. Humor and playfulness can loosen you up, energize your thinking, and inspire you to make your marriage better.
My request to all those who are reading this, who are in love and got married in pursuit of happiness.....
The above mentioned are some common points which will bring ease in your relationship.The more time you remain in confusion and/ or keep nagging, it starts creating a gap in your special relationship. Separation can never be the first option....
I completely understand and appreciate your earlier efforts but if those efforts have not given you the expected results then it’s a high time you need to take new action to get the new result. I sincerely request you to seek help, don’t feel shy. No matter how much damage has been done, you need to roll up your sleeves, take the charge and reignite the missing love by adding a pinch of Humour.