Lack of Acceptance


Are you facing any challenge to accept each other in your marriage? Are you expecting more than accepting your partner?

“The key to a happy marriage is not common interests, but rather acceptance of your differences.”

Even though you read so many quotes, it becomes very difficult to implement it in your own marriage.

Acceptance is considered to be the key to open the doors of unrest in a marriage. Accepting someone i.e. your own spouse is not an easy task, but if you consciously decide to ignore the imperfections and focus, appreciate the perfections, it brings connection between the couple. Accepting your spouse the way he/she is, is a very hard task. You need to work on it.

Accepting works in a marriage rather than Expecting…..

Checking self acceptance level first:

Most of the time it becomes easier to look at the flaws of others and constantly focus on it. But have you ever checked the level of accepting your own self?

I have checked. It took two long years to accept myself the way I was and to mould my traits, which were an impediment in my growth. Once you accept yourself it becomes very easy for you to accept your partner.

Acceptance……

a challenge in a careeristic couple:

But in today’s fast competitive world, most of the couples are busy in numbers, targets and career. They do not have the time to grow in a relationship. Today’s careeristic world asks the couples to be just passionate towards their job, and get themselves financially secured. The couple starts running in the race to maintain their individual identity.

The partners work in shifts and try to balance the family and career life. Some couples achieve it, some fail. And those who fail go through disturbance, anxiety, and sometimes friction in marriage. I come across many couples who come and start the same complaints about their spouse. The wives say “ He is not understanding me. He is just very strict. He always wants everything on time. What will happen if he helps me in domestic work?” And the husbands say, “She talks too much and for a long time. She just takes more space & is away from home with her friends almost thrice a week. She just irritates me by calling during working hours and expects me to react every time. She doesn’t respect my parents. She is unaware of raising the child properly.” So many complaints…..so much bickering does not work in marriage. You as a couple need to come to a middle point to build the basic comfort level in marriage. Therefore, it is not the ego or the self-respect but the struggle to maintain individual identity. This happens with most of the couples that they lack the connectivity factor and easily decide to break the marriage.

Accepting your spouse facilitates bonding:

Everyone’s nature depends on his upbringing, preferences, belief system, choices and behavioural patterns. Once you understand the deeper meaning of your partner’s life and the past experiences of his life, you automatically start accepting your spouse. Instead of wasting your time and energy in changing your spouse, you must use your energy to accept his/her true nature.

The magic happens exactly after this. Once you start accepting your spouse and change your perspective, behaviour and habits, you will see the partner also starts following you by changing himself/herself. This is a slow, but a result oriented process. You will notice things in your partner that you had never seen before. This brings confidence and connectivity in your marriage, and your bond becomes healthy and happy.

Here are some actions to grow your acceptance level….

Smart action plan to learn the acceptance:

  • Always remember the WHY of your marriage.

  • Initiate to accept the partner’s imperfections.

  • Use your tone & words consciously.

  • Maintain basic comfort level.

  • Find joint activities such as Salsa classes, adventure trips, going for a spa. In this pandemic situation play a couple games, join online classes or try new recipes together.

  • Come out of the FIGHT ZONE as early as possible. It will harm you more if you remain angry all the time.

Have acceptance that you are married, it is your conscious decision and your partner is also feeling the same to build this beautiful relationship. It’s a process. It takes time, it requires your efforts, your encouragement and your courage.

Understand the “WHY” of a relationship:

If one of the partners accepts the value of the relation, he/she would choose to mend the relationship. Finally, we can say that if one of the partners understands the “WHY” of a relationship, he/she comes on a path of accepting the current situation and can take rational immediate actions. The more time you remain in confusion and/ or keep nagging, it starts creating a gap in your special relationship. Separation can never be the first option.... I completely understand and appreciate your earlier efforts but if those efforts have not given you the expected results then it’s a high time you need to take new action to get the new result. I sincerely request you to seek help, don’t feel shy.

Acceptance brings ease in a relationship and it makes your marriage happy and healthy.

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With utmost curiosity to learn & understand about millennial relationships, I made my way to Canada! Initially my purpose was to meet coaches / therapists / counsellors and visit marriage & family cen